Di-wrecked Hit Part Something Or Another/

Drink 1.
PBR tall boy and a shot of Evan Williams, Damonicus and I are watching South Park and eagerly awaiting the presidential guest spot on the Daily Show.  I think if the president guest starred randomly on one show a month, advertising revenue would go way way up.  Imagine with me that this policy I just made up and Obama's presidency coincided with "Friends."  Okay first, imagine the theme song playing, stupid little hand claps and all.  All of a sudden, the fucking president pops onto a couch holding an umbrella, all the while wearing a lime green turtleneck and bowler hat.  We both know you'd love the shit out of that.  If you think I'm wrong, imagine the same thing but with Lincoln instead.  Now you're wrong and can't shake the fact that you just might be a racist.
If you see my best pal/roommate/bass player/singer/only person who responds to my drunken texts between now and October 30th, you had damn well better refer to him as Gene Simmons. 


Drink 2.
Second verse same as the first.   We're watching a documentary on Shane MacGowan after the daily show.  My cousin from Ireland (who's not really my cousin, but a good friend who, when he's in the U.S. stays with my family and visa versa for us in Ireland [see, cousin is a lot shorter than saying all that])  has a brother, who used to be Shane MacGowan's personal driver.  I'm not sure(oh shit Obama just walked out!) where that was going, but I'm sitting at home, getting really stupid drunk, and writing about watching a movie about a man, who's famous for getting really stupid drunk, and that's at least a little bit amusing on some level right?  Meh, shot of whiskey time.

A message from Damon. 
As I float towards buzzed land, I realize I love President Obama, but I hate that he uses the word "folks" as often as he does.  Fuck he just did it again.  I rejoice in the fact that we have another bottle of bourbon.  Big ups to Brooklyn, fuck what you heard.


Drink 3.
To be fair, drinks one and two included shots of whiskey and there was another in between drink 2 and drink 3.  Technically I suppose this is drink 7, but that kind of brings about a whole Fahrenheit to Celsius argument about documenting alcoholic beverages, and I just don't have it in me to pander to 2 separate systems of measurement.  Plus, to be totally honest with you guys, I'm now on drink 8 if you include that shot i took before I started this sentence.  Alright, I'm going to think up a solution here.  Refer to all my drinks not by numbers but by actors in my favorite movies? I think so Drink number John Candy in Cool Runnings!
I love you Shane Mac Gowan, but I cannot understand a goddamned word you say.  It's not just the Irish accent either, I know how that accent works.  Take any word with a T+H combination, then insert a hard T sound.  Thank becomes tank, third becomes turd, and so on.  Seriously Shane,  you're an amazing musician but you look like a Celtic Meth head and I don't understand anything that you don't put in singing form whatsoever.  I'm not making this up at all, go listen to any pogues song, then image search their lead singer.  Beautiful not from this earth, shouldn't be allowed to exist in a mere mortal fucking singing voice and yet...

that's rabid mulleted squirrel man is what it's coming out of.

A message I forced out of Damon while Michelle fitted him for his Kiss costume:
The only thing better than drinking whiskey or beer, is drinking whiskey and beer with your wife and your best pal and I'm doing both!

I feel that I should mention about now, that my best pal Gene Simmons, has to wake up at 6:30 tomorrow and, despite it being my day off, I have to wake up at 8:30 to get tattooed.  Yeah, we do this shit for the fans.  I'd like to see Justin Bieber forgo sleep to entertain his friends by pounding shots and making observations about life and the things within his direct line of sight.  Seriously though that would be funny, I can't imagine he handles his booze well.

Note from Damon:
Shane McGowan's first band was called the Nipplerectors, but their band made them change their name to The Nips

I'm gonna make Mac n' Cheese and then indulge in Drink number Steve Buscemi in Airheads.

...long pause for food preparation break...

After long contemplation, I've come to this conclusion:  Talent it would seem, is something that if you weren't born with, you can't cultivate to anything especially meaningful, and or good via practice, hard work, dedication, etc. (e.g. William Hung)  In that same  vein of thought, it would seem that if you're born with a talent , it's gonna shine through no matter what combination of gin and Sinead O'Connor you shovel on top of it.
Seriously though, to clarify, in most cases, in order to be good at something you have to practice a whole fuck-ton, but if you weren't born with that certain intangible spark that makes talented folks tick, well sorry about your luck Stefani Germanotta, you're only hope is the 3 Ms: Makeup, Muppets and Meat.

Ugh, my dear roommates are going to bed, which means I have no one to bounce my brilliant ideas off of any more, and should probably also go to sleep.

Send nudes!
For real
c'mon

-Pretzel